{"id":385,"date":"2002-09-26T11:50:27","date_gmt":"2002-09-26T18:50:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/?p=385"},"modified":"2023-06-24T00:48:27","modified_gmt":"2023-06-24T07:48:27","slug":"uncle-pete-spares-no-expense","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/uncle-pete-spares-no-expense\/","title":{"rendered":"Uncle Pete Spares No Expense"},"content":{"rendered":"
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The outside of the Jablonski house, a small ranch-style domicile, was lit with Christmas cheer. Glowing plastic Santa\u2019s and snowmen lined the yard, lights hung from every tree, and a small manger scene stood next to the street. The Christmas shrine was only punctuated by the small wooden garden gnomes casually placed throughout the yard, a leftover reminder of the non-seasonal yard decorations the Jablonski\u2019s also delighted in.<\/p>\n

It was early in the morning and the house was still dark, except for the glowing cherubic faces of Christmas cheer that peppered the yard. No windows were lit. No one was awake.<\/p>\n

And, then, one by one, the lights came on.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Charles Jablonski sat up in his bed, yawning to himself. He ended the buzzing alarm that had awakened him, just as his wife, Doris, stirred from her rest.<\/p>\n

They smiled a polite smile to each other and carefully rose from the bed, stretching and prancing as their bare feet touched the cold floor for the first time of the morning.<\/p>\n

Doris enveloped herself in a thick robe and, tying the belt, headed for the kitchen to begin cooking breakfast.<\/p>\n

Charles strutted into their adjoining bathroom to take a nice hot shower and begin another morning.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The children, too, had awoken and were busily getting up and heading to their bathroom to shower and brush their teeth. Little Chuck would usually sleep in while his year-younger sister, Grace, dominated the bathroom, but on this morning he sat back on his bed, looking over his school books before breakfast time.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

By the time Charles, Little Chuck, and Grace were prepared and had all converged on the dining area of the kitchen, Doris had finished the preparation of the hearty breakfast of sausage, eggs and toast. They all sat down at the modest marbled blue Formica-and-aluminum table in their padded aluminum chairs on the cream-colored linoleum of their modest middle-class kitchen.<\/p>\n

Charles smiled at the glowing angelic faces of his little boy, in his overalls and baseball cap, and his little girl, wearing her pink dress with a large pink bow in her hair. They all shoveled a bite or two into their mouths in silence before Charles thought to make fatherly conversation.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, kids, how\u2026\u201d is all Charles managed before the sound of a table saw starting up outside the back door, leading out of the kitchen onto the back porch, cut him off.<\/p>\n

It was Pete.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Uncle Pete was Charles\u2019 older brother. They hadn\u2019t had much to do with each other growing up. Charles\u2019 few remembrances of him weren\u2019t particularly fond. Pete was 8 years Charles\u2019 senior and, growing up, there had been much more interaction between them and their other brothers than between each other.<\/p>\n

Uncle Pete had come to live with Charles and his family very recently. Personally, Charles had very much wanted not to allow Pete into his home when Pete had called, needing a living space, likely on the lam or skipping out on rent. Charles knew the type of person Pete had always been, but Doris, being too kind of heart for her own good sometimes, persuaded him to give Pete a chance. She believed it would be wrong not to give Pete an opportunity to show that he had changed his ways.<\/p>\n

And, now, he was busily interrupting their breakfast by sawing a block of wood apart in the backyard, only 10 feet from where they were dining.<\/p>\n

Pete, having had quite a hand at woodshop in high school, it being the only class he ever bothered to show up for, had always retained the hobby of making wooden garden gnomes, some of which stood guard over the front lawn\u2019s Christmas decorations. But the hobby had limited itself in his adulthood to the times when Pete was not sleeping and sober. And those occasions where the two coincided were few and far between.<\/p>\n

So Charles found it very strange indeed that Pete should be up so early and apparently sober on a weekday, seemingly for no better reason than to make garden gnomes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Charles stepped through the back door, the sawing becoming a deafening roar. Pete stood over the saw, carving the corners off of a small block of wood, rounding it as much as was possible with the shrieking deadly device. As usual, Pete used no safety precautions and wore no protective goggles. As it was, chips of wood cascaded down, bouncing off of Pete\u2019s rugged, sagging, stubbly face and balding head, the occasional chip or shard catching in the thinning hair that was a shaggy brown ring around most of his skull.<\/p>\n

The torrent of wood was spraying so fiercely in all directions that Charles was forced to reach up and brush sawdust and wood chips off of his face and out of his short, blonde flattop.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pete\u2026\u201d he attempted to yell over the din.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, the saw ceased its scream and Pete held up the rounded remains of the wood block, looking satisfied with his work.<\/p>\n

\u201cUm\u2026 Pete, you\u2019ve started a little early this morning, haven\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Pete continued to consider his work for a few more moments, scratching at the stubbly five-o\u2019clock shadow that perpetually hung around his jaw and at his bushy moustache, causing wood dust to spill down from his face like dandruff. Charles was about to speak again, thinking that maybe the saw had finally driven his brother into deafness, when Pete finally replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cHmm\u2026 Well, it helps me think. And I needed a little thinkin\u2019 this morning, right? You get me, don\u2019t you, Chuckie?\u201d<\/p>\n

Charles hated that. He had always hated that.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I figured that I\u2019d get to a few sales this morning\u2026 Do a little Christmas shopping\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Charles found the idea of Pete waking up early to \u201cshop\u201d absurd, unless the shopping was for bourbon or bets at the dog track.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn fact, I been up an hour or two already\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Charles was unaffected by what was either very strange behavior or complete lies. \u201cSure. Could you just tone it down until we\u2019re done eating?\u201d Something in his voice implied that it wasn\u2019t really a question.<\/p>\n

Pete scratched his jaw with a large wood chisel. \u201cI\u2019m done with that, already. I\u2019m just going to work on shaping this for a bit, then it\u2019s off to the store.\u201d<\/p>\n

Charles turned to walk back inside. \u201cThanks,\u201d he said without meaning it at all.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Charles had left for work at seven. The children had gone at the same time to catch the bus. It gave Doris a bit of time to herself to take a bath, get dressed, and relax, before the daily work of being a housewife began.<\/p>\n

Doris had been sitting on the couch, watching morning television and thumbing through the new issue of Women\u2019s Home Magazine<\/i>, when Pete walked into the living room.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning, Pete,\u201d Doris said with as little feeling as was possible.<\/p>\n

Pete didn\u2019t seem to notice. \u201cHow\u2019re you this morning, Doris? Keeping busy, I see.\u201d<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t really feel the need to respond to him, but she didn\u2019t want to be blatantly impolite for no reason. It\u2019s not as if he had done anything yet that day. \u201cI\u2019m fine. Just looking at a few recipes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I hope I get to sample some of that good cooking of yours sometime soon\u2026\u201d Pete chimed in.<\/p>\n

Doris didn\u2019t really know what to think. Pete rarely ate with the family anymore. He was more often than not at some bar, already drunk, or otherwise sleeping during dinnertime. He rarely attempted to eat with them and the closest he usually came was in foraging for leftovers in the refrigerator while dinner was going on.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll have something tonight\u2026 the same as usual, Pete.\u201d<\/p>\n

If Pete noticed any sarcasm in her comment, he didn\u2019t show it. \u201cI may have to take you up on that, dear\u2026\u201d he said, before roaming through the foyer and out the front door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Since his arrival, Doris had not taken to Pete. Nor had Pete taken to working, being sociable, be considerate, or being sober.<\/p>\n

Too many occasions had come and gone where Pete had caused problems that the family had felt required to bail him out of monetarily. He stayed drunk, a state that Doris would not abide. He was a thief, he was a liar, and he was a cheat. He compulsively gambled away any cent he could find. He never kept a job for more than a week, if at all. He would drunkenly bring home the worst sort of floozies and trash to his \u201cbedroom\u201d, a small wood and sheetrock addition that had been quickly pasted onto the rear of their home, but didn\u2019t resemble anything so much as a tool shed or a storage closet, with a small door opening out onto the back patio area where Pete kept his workbench.<\/p>\n

She detested his \u201croom\u201d and refused to clean in there, a fact that didn\u2019t affect Pete in the least. How it didn\u2019t bother him, she couldn\u2019t imagine. It was wretched with the smell of stale cigarette smoke, the floor was littered with butts and ash was casually flicked across most surfaces. The only amenities the room offered were a small, worn-out chair in the corner facing a tiny television, sitting on a small aluminum rolling stand and a tiny, badly-constructed twin bed.<\/p>\n

Pete\u2019s contributions to his furnishings were his bamboo bar where he kept various mainly-empty liquor bottles and his matching Hawaiian hula-girl velvet painting.<\/p>\n

Only a thin layer of industrial-use carpeting covered the floor. Everything reeked of the stench of smoke and alcohol.<\/p>\n

It was horrible. It suited Pete perfectly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir?\u201d the girl behind the counter chirped, eager to please even after the long Christmas deluge of customers, a maniacal smile painted across her face.<\/p>\n

\u201cUm\u2026\u201d Uncle Pete breathed the stench of whisky into her face, causing her eyes to blink and water. \u201cMy nephew likes those dolls\u2026 Y\u2019know, those figures? I can\u2019t remember what they\u2019re called\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

She sighed under her breath. \u201cCan you be more specific, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBaby, I\u2019ll be anything you want me to be\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Her smile withered slightly. \u201cDo you remember anything about them?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know\u2026 They\u2019re those action guys with the guns\u2026 I wasn\u2019t really paying attention at the time. I was on my eighth Jack & Coke\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, maybe I can help you find them\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHmm\u2026 They did kinda resemble that.\u201d Pete scratched his chin. \u201cMaybe it\u2019s the ones down on that bottom shelf.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pete smiled and ogled as the girl bent over to retrieve a Bla-Storr, Master Of The Mighty<\/i> figure. Her ass was under intense examination for those few moments until she stood upright. \u201cDoes this look like it?\u201d she said impatiently.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure.\u201d Pete looked around. \u201cWhat about the ones on the top shelf?\u201d<\/p>\n

The girl sighed and stretched up to reach the Mike Johnson: Kung-Fu Attorney<\/i> figure on the top shelf. Pete watched, delighted, as she couldn\u2019t quite reach it. She continued to stretch and claw with her fingertips, while poking her ass out toward him. He licked his lips and moved in closer.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think I can get it\u2026\u201d she managed before Pete grabbed onto her waist and lifted her up with a stifled grunting noise.<\/p>\n

She was mildly taken aback, but reached to grab the action figure anyway. As her fingers slipped around the package, Pete\u2019s hands began to slip up her body. She struggled in his grasp and fell back into his arms, the two of them tumbling to the ground.<\/p>\n

Pete was quickly upright and helped her back to her feet. She was mildly flushed and looked very angry.<\/p>\n

The girl shoved the figure into Pete\u2019s gut. \u201cThis it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure\u2026\u201d He looked over her chest\u2026 Pete hated uniforms. They hid far too much for his liking. He found women in oxford shirts and button-ups and slacks horribly unattractive. Or, at least, it was unflattering for them.<\/p>\n

Pete preferred the uniforms down at Honker\u2019s, where the requisite dress was skintight bicycle shorts and low-cut tank tops. How could he even check out the jugs on this girl in a shirt like that?<\/p>\n

He tried anyway.<\/p>\n

His gaze shifted right, onto her nametag. \u201cUm\u2026 Cindy, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n

The girl said nothing, still red and gripping the action figure tightly in her hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, Cindy\u2026 Don\u2019t imagine you have a boyfriend, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n

Cindy\u2019s eye began to twitch, slightly.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, you\u2019ve got a nice rack. A real good set o\u2019 cans.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her mouth gaped slightly and the action figure was thrust forward and backward in tiny motions, as if her hand was begging Pete to just take the damned toy.<\/p>\n

\u201cI bet you\u2019re pretty hot in the sack.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her eyes glazed over. All motion stopped, possibly on the molecular level.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo\u2026 You wanna scrump or what?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pete rubbed the mildly burning red mark on his cheek as he tried to meet the intense, hateful gaze Cindy gave him as she rang up the action figures.<\/p>\n

\u201c$35.27,\u201d she said bitterly.<\/p>\n

He produced a credit card and she ran it through the credit card machine like she was trying to slit his throat.<\/p>\n

He smiled sheepishly, looking almost apologetic. If she noticed or bought it, he couldn\u2019t tell.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pete sauntered into McAfee Jewelers, the blossom of redness on his cheek fading away as to be unnoticeable.<\/p>\n

An older gentleman behind the counter in a respectable brown tweed suit and wearing a pair of wire-frame glasses looked up, eyes widening in dismay at the sight of Pete, hair unkempt, clothes sloppy, wearing his usual brown coat over a Hawaiian shirt and dirty khaki pants with his pair of brown, tasseled leather shoes. The man straightened his already perfectly-groomed, thinning white hair and walked towards Pete.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I help you with something, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n

Pete gave a sly half-smile. \u201cSure enough, old man. Point me towards your stones\u2026 And I don\u2019t mean your balls.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man\u2019s mouth opened and closed like a fish\u2019s several times before he turned and walked toward the diamond counter.<\/p>\n

The gentleman proprietor crossed to the back of the counter, coming to a stop in the center. Now that the man was facing him again, Pete could see that the salesman\u2019s face had become one large angry crease. The lines of the man\u2019s face seemed to swallow every other feature.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what is sir looking for today?\u201d the older man spat more so than asked.<\/p>\n

Pete grinned. \u201cI don\u2019t know what sir\u2019s looking for, but I\u2019m here about something in diamonds. Something nice. Maybe a necklace or a bracelet\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs this gift intended as\u2026 romantic?\u201d The old man raised his eyebrow in anticipation.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh\u2026 Hell no! I hope not. This is for my sister-in-law\u2026 Jesus, that\u2019s a scary thought. Though I have considered\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

The man grimaced more than Pete thought possible for such an already-taut and tortured face. \u201cPerhaps this emerald necklace would be to sir\u2019s liking?\u201d<\/p>\n

Pete leaned over, considering the necklace, looked back up, mouth opening as if he were about to ask a question, before he decided against it and glanced back at the gem.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u2026 This won\u2019t work. How about that bracelet?\u201d<\/p>\n

The jeweler seemed to sputter. \u201cDoes sir realize that this particular item is of a cost of nearly eight hundred dollars?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026 whatever,\u201d Pete said, waving a credit card in front of the man\u2019s face. Pete pursed his lips, licking them in thought, then squinted his eyes and raised one corner of his mouth. \u201cI\u2019m thinking that ain\u2019t classy enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yet again, the mouth of the old salesman opened and closed.<\/p>\n

\u201cAhh\u2026\u201d Pete breathed, the stench of cheap Scotch blowing over the counter. \u201cThat necklace\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pete sidled up onto a barstool at Hogan\u2019s, the cheapest, dirtiest joint seen in Oberwalz since Prohibition ended.<\/p>\n

\u201cHogie\u2026 two bourbon\u2019s, straight up to the rim.\u201d<\/p>\n

The bartender took the order with what one could only politely call annoyance.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou dirty fucker. I told you not to come back in here until you had my money\u2026 You\u2019ve already drank forty-eight dollars worth of my liquor that I want to get paid for before you see one drop more\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Pete grinned and showed off the yellowed, chipped teeth in his mouth. \u201cHogie, Hogie, Hogie\u2026 Ye of little faith.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pete dug into his pocket and produced a wad of twenty-dollar bills.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the hell?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mike \u201cHogie\u201d Hogan, a middle-aged fat man with a habit for smoking bad cigars, nearly had a heart attack.<\/p>\n

\u201cCash advance,\u201d Pete said as he downed the first glass Hogie handed him in one gulp.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t the bumping noise. Charles was used to that. It wasn\u2019t the sound of women squealing like sows. That seemed to come with the territory. It was the fact that it sounding like Pete was having more fun that usual.<\/p>\n

As Charles walked down the hallway from his bedroom to the kitchen, he could hear giggling and the bump that was indicative of Pete stumbling into things while drunk.<\/p>\n

Charles exited through the kitchen door onto the back porch and knocked at the entrance to Pete\u2019s room.<\/p>\n

The door opened after a moment and Charles found himself face-to-face with Pete, clad only in a sheet wrapped around his midsection like a kilt.<\/p>\n

Behind Pete, semi-collapsed onto the floor was a giggling middle-aged woman in a small black dress who was obviously soused. She looked around from behind Pete and waved hello.<\/p>\n

Charles grumbled. \u201cPete\u2026 Could you keep it down? I have to work today.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pete nodded quick agreement. \u201cOf course, Chuckie\u2026 Really sorry about that. We were about to\u2026 wrap some presents\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Charles was considering Pete\u2019s use of dirty euphemisms when he noticed the large bundle of bags and packages taking up a good quarter of Pete\u2019s room and overflowing his single chair.<\/p>\n

Charles turned and went back to bed before he could begin to question things.<\/p>\n

For the rest of the night, giggling continued to emanate from Pete\u2019s addition, followed by an occasional thud.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The morning of Christmas Eve came quietly.<\/p>\n

Pete stumbled out of the bed, stepped on an empty John Dooley Brown Label Whiskey bottle, and tumbled headfirst onto a small plastic motel ashtray, stolen from a Sleepy-Comfort Inn outside of Left Car during one of Pete\u2019s more scandalous \u201cliaisons\u201d.<\/p>\n

Brushing ash out of his hair and moustache, Pete crawled upright on his hands and knees to his chair. Unsteadily pushing himself upright, he veered toward the door.<\/p>\n

Pete had woken up drunk again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In the living room, the children were playing while Charles watched TV and thumbed through a magazine.<\/p>\n

Doris was in the kitchen, stuffing the Christmas turkey, when Pete clumsily ambled though the door. Doris looked at him contemptuously before returning to her turkey.<\/p>\n

Pete smiled and moved on, trying to walk in some semblance of sobriety, toward the bathroom.<\/p>\n

Doris spooned another dollop of breading into the turkey\u2019s orifice. She pressed the stuffing down into the hole, until the action became punctuated by the sound of retching from the direction of the children\u2019s bathroom. She paused and thought to continue until the sound repeated itself.<\/p>\n

Charles put the magazine down and looked up as the sound copious vomiting filled the house. With every retch and choke, Charles seemed to flinch, as if he could visualize only too well the almost-ritual emptying of Pete\u2019s gullet into the toilet.<\/p>\n

Doris closed her eyes and tried not to think about the sound.<\/p>\n

She raised her spoon, but didn\u2019t do anything.<\/p>\n

There was one last gag and she decided the turkey had been stuffed enough, sliding it quickly into the mouth of the hot oven.<\/p>\n

Pete strolled back through the kitchen, smiling to himself as he wiped the cuff of his dingy bathrobe across his mouth, and out the back door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dinner was served.<\/p>\n

Doris sat the dishes out on the cramped table wherever she could find room. Normally, in the confines of the dining area of the kitchen, there was just enough space for everyone, but that excluded the possibility of Pete eating dinner with them. This was usually not a problem, as Pete\u2019s level of sociability was somewhat more akin to bar-hopping than family dinners.<\/p>\n

But tonight Pete sat at the table, bathed and sober, waiting to be served. He had even made a vague attempt at cleaning himself up, throwing on an old white-and-brown-print polyester shirt over his white undershirt and wore a matching pair of brown polyester slacks. For some reason he wore his brown jacket at the table. And he had slicked back the few dark strands of hair remaining on the top of his head, like flowers growing out of a sidewalk that had been carelessly trampled flat.<\/p>\n

Despite having shaved, Pete still had a five o\u2019 clock shadow.<\/p>\n

\u201cLooks good,\u201d he muttered, smacking his lips hungrily.<\/p>\n

He got no real response, other than nervous looks from the entire family. Even the children knew better than to trust their Uncle Pete\u2019s appearance at the Christmas dinner table. Every eye watched him with an expectation of the worse.<\/p>\n

Pete smiled to himself. \u201cYep\u2026 Looks real nice. Tasty lookin\u2019 turkey.\u201d All the eyes stared coldly. \u201cDon\u2019t look too dry at all. Nice and moist, just like I like it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doris\u2019 stare broke. She nodded slightly and looked down at her plate and started to serve herself.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo\u2026\u201d Pete\u2019s eyes surveyed the table. \u201cHow are you kids doing in school? You\u2019re in first grade now, right, Gracie?\u201d<\/p>\n

Grace\u2019s stare never wavered. \u201cI\u2019m in fourth grade.\u201d Her voice was as flat as a sidewalk.<\/p>\n

\u201cWow\u2026 And how about you, Little Chuckie?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m in sixth grade now. I don\u2019t like school\u2026 and I don\u2019t like being called \u2018Chuckie\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, I didn\u2019t care much for school myself, there, Chuckles. Never did really get through it. I got through tenth grade, but those last two years were all coasting\u2026 I was hardly even there\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Charles finished serving himself and shook his head silently.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I got any advice for you, Chuckie,\u201d Pete continued, \u201cit\u2019s that you should coast as much as possible. Life\u2019s too short, I say\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Charles broke into a coughing fit, eyes bulging out of his head, his face reddening exponentially by the second.<\/p>\n

He desperately took sips from his glass of water while Doris patted him on the back.<\/p>\n

\u201cOoh\u2026 You okay there, Chuckie?\u201d Pete cooed.<\/p>\n

Charles raised his hand and nearly collapsed across the table in spasms of choking.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A mouthful of juicy turkey was slurped into Pete\u2019s throat. For a man who usually subsisted solely off of liquor, he was a ravenous eater.<\/p>\n

The rest of family sat in silent awe as the man stuffed another buttered roll into his head and swallowed it nearly whole.<\/p>\n

The children had finished their small portions first and had fidgeted nervously in their seats ever since. Next, Charles finished up his portion, not having nearly the appetite he possessed before his choking fit. Last, Doris completed her meal, hungry from the day spent cooking and preparing for the family\u2019s Christmas celebration.<\/p>\n

But Pete was still eating. The children had been taught to politely sit at the table until everyone was done and Charles and Doris just stayed to watch the spectacle of this man who could seemingly consume everything placed before him.<\/p>\n

What would essentially have been enough leftovers to feed the whole family for a day or two was presently residing in Pete\u2019s stomach or was quickly being put there.<\/p>\n

After much more munching and chewing, Pete sat back and, with an unbearably loud belch, patted his stomach.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood eats, Doris. You sure know how to cook\u2026 Now I see why Charles married you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doris took this pseudo-compliment with as much dignity as she could manage and nodded in recognition of Pete\u2019s praise.<\/p>\n

\u201cEats like this make a man want a smoke and a crap\u2026\u201d And with those parting words, Pete excused himself from the table, commandeering a magazine from the counter, and headed toward the children\u2019s bathroom.<\/p>\n

Slowly, everyone began to leave the table, cleaning up their plates and taking everything to the sink to be washed, making as little eye contact as possible.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Charles laid down in the bed, straightening the comforter around him.<\/p>\n

The day had gone well enough, considering Pete\u2019s presence. Aside from the occasional rude comment, Pete had been as tolerable as Charles could remember.<\/p>\n

Pete had started to get mildly out of hand when they had served the glasses of Christmas eggnog before bed and Pete had slipped the contents of a flask into his glass. But he had gotten neither rowdy nor drunk, so Charles couldn\u2019t really complain.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pete laid back in his dirty bed, took a swig of Ronnie Jumper Scotch out of the bottle. The food had been nicely filling and it had been ages since he had a real meal\u2026 Probably not since he was boning that housewife who had cooked him the occasional dinner. Of course, her husband had proven a problem in their relationship, but, as he always liked to remember, he had gotten his.<\/p>\n

With a few more pulls off of the bottle, Pete set it aside and drifted off into a deep slumber.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The outside of the Jablonski house, a small ranch-style domicile, was lit with Christmas cheer. Glowing plastic Santa\u2019s and snowmen lined the yard, lights hung from every tree, and a small manger scene stood next to the street. The Christmas shrine was only punctuated by the small wooden garden gnomes casually placed throughout the yard, a leftover reminder of the non-seasonal yard decorations the Jablonski\u2019s also delighted in.<\/p>\n

It was early in the morning and the house was still dark, except for the glowing cherubic faces of Christmas cheer that peppered the yard. No windows were lit. No one was awake. Absolutely everything was quiet.<\/p>\n

And, then, one by one, the lights came on.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The children squealed with delight as they rushed into the living room, where toys surrounded the tree, displayed as Santa had left them during the night. They slid across the thick shag on their knees, desperate to make contact with the precious new gifts that Santa Claus had left for them.<\/p>\n

Little Chuck hefted his tin robot that walked and shot sparks from its mouth above his head and made zooming noises as he waved it back and forth with glee.<\/p>\n

Grace was already in the midst of brushing Little Mary Does-A-Lot<\/i>\u2019s golden locks, purring motherly words to the doll under her breath as Chuck ran by, simulating a dogfight between a plastic jet and his tin, sparking automaton.<\/p>\n

Charles and Doris smiled to themselves and held each other, basking in the parental joy of seeing their children happy.<\/p>\n

Pete strolled into the room after a few more minutes and seated himself on the couch. All the action in the room seemed to die down momentarily and the children put down their toys in confusion.<\/p>\n

\u201cUm\u2026 Children, let\u2019s settle and down and get ready to open some presents from the family,\u201d Charles mustered.<\/p>\n

Pete smiled to himself happily as the parents and children took places around him and settled in for the traditional gift-giving.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The presents were divided up and handed out to their appropriate recipient. Small piles grew in front of every person. Every person except Pete.<\/p>\n

The children had substantial amounts of presents, their parents had a fraction fewer, and Pete\u2026 Last of all the presents beneath the tree, Pete was handed a small square box, wrapped in green, shining metallic paper, with a red bow. His one gift.<\/p>\n

The children anxiously began, but Charles put his foot down quickly. \u201cNow, children, we know better than that\u2026 Everyone takes a turn. One each\u2026 Now, Grace, you go first.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Chuck pouted slightly as his sister tore at the wrappings containing a gift, at least until his turn came.<\/p>\n

And so it went, as each opened their presents\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As Doris finished off her last present, she turned to Pete. He had abstained from every round of gift opening, retaining his one present.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo ahead\u2026 You got so many to open,\u201d he had said as he let the next round begin.<\/p>\n

But now his gift was all that was left.<\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like it\u2019s down to you, Pete,\u201d Charles said impatiently as the children eyed their new toys and dutifully ignored all their new clothes.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Pete seemed almost confused. \u201cWell, I could have sworn there were some more\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Charles was about to reply, but Pete had already sprang from his seat and crossed to the corner, where he pulled two large sacks that had been wedged between the end table and the wall.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can\u2019t forget these,\u201d Pete smiled, passing out gifts to each of them in turn. The piles that grew in front of them rivaled those that had already been opened.<\/p>\n

Charles watched his children\u2019s eyes grow wide at the sight of so many gifts. He reminded himself that those bags couldn\u2019t have been there the night before. He hadn\u2019t seen them as he was setting up the children\u2019s toys\u2026 Pete would have had to have brought them out this morning.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo ahead,\u201d Pete said. There was a brief silence before Grace tentatively began picking at the first package\u2019s wrapping. Every eye watched in expectation of the worst.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Another wrapping came off and another toy was placed in the growing pile of action figures, dress-up sets, dolls, cars, miniature toy horses, and god-only-knows what else was piled between the children.<\/p>\n

In silent awe, Doris thumbed through one of the new cookbooks Pete had provided her, while nearby Charles examined the beautiful but expensive deluxe toolset that Pete had given him to replace the cheap hammer he had destroyed while trying to open a jar of olives while drunk.<\/p>\n

It was unreal. Charles\u2019 mind fought vainly to explain how Pete could have afforded to give all these gifts to his family\u2026 if they could really be considered such.<\/p>\n

Charles tore into the wrapping of the next one and stopped himself part way. \u201cIt\u2019s\u2026 It\u2019s a\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a belt sander,\u201d Pete finished. \u201cI figured we could do a duet\u2026 We can be a match pair in the mornings now, between that and the table saw.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pete \u201chaw-haw-haw\u201ded to himself and Charles smiled blankly in shock as a reply.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re a man,\u201d Pete said. \u201cEvery man needs a belt sander\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pete stood on the front porch, cigar clenched in his fat lips, looking out across the front lawn. The door opened behind him and Charles joined him, holding two steaming cups of coffee. They admired the light snowfall for several seconds in silence before Charles offered a mug to Pete. Pete took it with a nod of thanks and admired the snow for a while longer before taking a sip. His face twitched and wrinkled in surprise and mild disgust. \u201cI forgot how this stuff tasted straight\u2026 I always mix my own.\u201d He smiled and, for once, Charles joined him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, Pete\u2026\u201d Charles had to brace himself before continuing. \u201cWhat you\u2019ve done for the family, for the kids, this Christmas\u2026 It\u2019s been great. It\u2019s been too much.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCharles, after all you\u2019ve done for me, letting me live here, putting up with me, making sure I don\u2019t end up in the gutter\u2026 You\u2019ve really done so much, I had to do something to make it up to you. I wanted to show you I\u2019m not a total bum. Maybe I don\u2019t know you like you do, but I do think about you guys\u2026 And I was worried you were sick of me, that you didn\u2019t want me around. I was getting to feel like you were gonna kick me out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Pete. We\u2026 Well, we\u2019re very happy with this Christmas. We\u2019ve had a very good time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Merry Christmas to you, Charles.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMerry Christmas to you, too, Pete.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The next several weeks were quiet. The carousing, whoring, drinking, profanity, and general loud, lewd, obnoxious rudeness were kept to a minimum. It was almost like not having Pete around at all. At least not like the old Pete, the Pete that they had all come to know so well.<\/p>\n

But things were happy, much happier than before, and Pete was finally almost like a real member of the family instead of an outsider, a loner in their midst.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That is, until Charles and Doris\u2019 $6715 credit card bill arrived.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They wanted to kick him out. They wanted to kill him. But he owed them too much to let him go. If they kicked him out, he would disappear forever. He would forever drift away into a nicotine-stained, alcohol-induced haze. And $7000 was too much to pay to get rid of Pete.<\/p>\n

So they were stuck with him, stuck with them until he could pay them back. They were stuck with him until he could hold down a job, until he could get off the drink, until he could stay out of the bar, until he could stay away from the track, until he could get rid of the whores, until he could lose his vices, until he could make money, until he could pay back all of his debts.<\/p>\n

They were stuck with him forever.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The outside of the Jablonski house, a small ranch-style domicile, was lit with Christmas cheer. Glowing plastic Santa\u2019s and snowmen lined the yard, lights hung from every tree, and a small manger scene stood next to the street. The Christmas shrine was only punctuated by the small wooden garden gnomes casually placed throughout the yard, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"bgseo_title":"","bgseo_description":"","bgseo_robots_index":"index","bgseo_robots_follow":"follow","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[24],"class_list":["post-385","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction","tag-short-fiction"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/385","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=385"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/385\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":387,"href":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/385\/revisions\/387"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=385"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=385"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ryanspeck.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=385"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}